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Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory,
he made me pay in advance.
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
I went alone on our honeymoon.
My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the
phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
It was love at first sight.
Then I took a second look !!
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas,
wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory,
he made me pay in advance.
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
I went alone on our honeymoon.
My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the
phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
It was love at first sight.
Then I took a second look !!
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas,
wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
Sanyu, a five day old baby Rothschild giraffe takes its first steps outside at Chester Zoo
This cheeky bear posed for a selfie... and then covered the photographer's camera with slobber. Luke Massey, from London, was shooting European brown bears in Finland earlier this month. He captured some charming images of bear families, but he gambled with the safety of his camera for some remotely activated shots.
Rohan Kelly riding La Sophia springs into action whilst creating their horse-drawn horse to celebrate GWR Polo On The Beach at Watergate Bay, Cornwall
Kayla Spears transforms her dog into Beetlejuice during the Extreme Grooming competition at Intergroom in New Jersey
A sheep has been nicknamed 'The Phantom' by its owner, sheep farmer Paul Phillips, from Kimbolton, Herefordshire. The animal was born in february and is a dead ringer of the Phantom of the Opera, that was played by legendary actor Michael Crawford.
Swallows feeding young chicks, Uto, Finland
Clinging to each other, these orangutan babies are transported in a wheelbarrow after being rescued from captivity. The photo was taken at an International Animal Rescue (IAR) rehabilitation centre in Ketapang, West Kalimantan in the Indonesian part of Borneo. The youngsters - many of whom grew up in captivity as pets before being rescued - are being taught to climb, play and fend for themselves ahead of eventually being released back into their natural habitat.
Bon-chan, a 19 year old male African spurred tortoise weighing about 70 kg (154 pounds), goes for a stroll on a street in Tsukishima in Tokyo
Buffalo escape a fire in New Delhi by plunging into the Yamuna river (Reuters)
A bull elephant makes his presence known at a watering hole in Etosha National Park, Namibia
Lisa, the tiger mother, and her three two-month-old baby white tiger cubs rest on the grass at the Cerza zoo in Hermival-les-Vaux, northwestern France
A child in a pram fascinated by a horse at the Apply Horse Fair in Cumbria
A pair of coots fight it out in a battle to find who is the 'big bird' on a pond near Copenhagen in Denmark
Zhang Wei, a 31-year-old bee farmer from Zizhou County, is covered with a swarm of 200,000 bees in Yulin, Shannxi Province, China. Mr Wei held the world record of allowing 83.5 kg of bees cover his body in 2011 with the record standing for four years.
Baby Ezo ural owls are seen hanging out in a forest in Hokkaido, Japan
The World Has Been Through Some Changes...
It's amazing how fast the world has changed in the last 20 years. It seems that we just need to blink and something new comes up, and the children we once taught now teach us. But are all these changes for the best? I'm not so sure. Instead of crying about it, though, I'd rather have a good laugh! |
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