A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average
Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the
'Vest Bengal Gawrment'
he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at
12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke the
7th unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for 5th cup of tea at 3, sleep
sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard
life!
B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good
bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the
time....Bhishon Bhalo and Bibhotso.... though means opposite ...used
for same situations.. depending on the Beauty of fairer
sex...are close ...almost in a tie for second spot....
C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the
Devil,for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids
to sleep saying, 'Na ghumoley ebar Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'
D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient
law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have
a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called
Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo,
Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times....as creations of God
himself !!
E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous
by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an
average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times
every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.
F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and
are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish
market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a
fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh
is theesh!'
G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like
Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla,
etc. While every Bengali girl will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki,
Mishti, Khuku, et cetera.
H is for Harmonium. This Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take
four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The
Bheatles!
I is for Ileesh. This is a feeesh with 10,987 bones which would kill
any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!
J is for Jhola. No selfrespecting Bengali is complete without his
Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings
and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this
there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and
they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol'with mysterious
condiments.. . as in Maachher Jhol is a close second. Jhaamela and
Jachhetai are distant 3rd and 4th
K is for Kee Kaando! It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation
till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai.Kee mushkil is a close
second.
L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage
to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip
in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi
expedition to Mt Everest.
M is for Minibaas. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would
effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond
stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.
N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most
interesting naked word in any language!
O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will
cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the
ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).
P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the
Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two
biggest clubs there are MOHUNBAGAN and
East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.
Q is for Koshchen (question) as in "Mamatadi koshchens Cheap Ministaar
in Writaars Buiding."
R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel
Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they
are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly
related to the great poet and walk with their head held
high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi
and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla'
comes a close second!
S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer,
that too a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play
until he is 70 years old.
T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata.
Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk....Trams are still
existing in Paris too.......you see !
U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.
V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people
around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves,
shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the
last time someone actually hit someone was in 1939.
W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater
and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by
surprise by this!
X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit
up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.
Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali
(see R for Robi Thakur)?. It is also for Jubraj Shingh and Joga.
Z is for Jebra, Joo, and Jipper.
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